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NBA power and sour rankings: Top 5, bottom 5

11.19.14 at 12:01 pm ET
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Follow Sam Packard on Twitter @SPackGuy

In the NBA, the worst place to be is the middle of the pack. If you are not contending for a championship or tanking, in my mind, you are not relevant. Because of this, each week I will rank the top five and bottom five teams in the league. The rankings are based entirely on my own observations and opinions, so please feel free to call me names in the comments section.

THE BEST

1. Grizzlies (10-1)

The Grizzlies have started the season on fire, and the only explanation I can offer is the addition of Vince Carter. On Monday they dropped 119 points on the Rockets, who had been playing exceptional defense. Last Thursday against King Boogie, the Grizz erased a 26-point deficit before Courtney Lee hit this buzzer-beater with three-tenths of a seconds remaining.

2. Warriors (8-2) If the season ended today, Steph Curry would be the MVP. I know Anthony Davis is putting up absurd numbers, but the Warriors are actually winning games. Just watch this video of Curry dismantling the Lakers and tell me you are not impressed.

3. Trail Blazers (8-2) Portland has won its last five games, including absolutely embarrassing the Nuggets on their home floor, putting up 84 points in the first half. THE FIRST HALF! The 76ers only average 88.5 points per game.

 

4. Rockets (9-2) Despite their surprisingly great defensive play, the Rockets are extremely hard to like and the blame falls squarely on Dwight Howard‘s mutant shoulders. The entire league hates him. We expect Kobe to talk smack to his former teammate, but when you have soft-spoken, momma-loving, all-around nice guy Kevin Durant calling you a p*ssy, you know you have a problem. And all of this hate has nothing to do with the fact that that “Superman” allegedly beats his illegitimate children.

5. Mavericks (8-3) The Mavericks starting five is dominating on the offensive end. The Mavericks are scoring 115.5 points per 100 possessions, the next closest team is the Cavs with 109.7. Plus, they lead the league in hokey promotional videos, and that’s always fun. (They couldn’t have shot a second take for the “We are Chandler and Chandler” line?

THE WORST

Frankly, I am sick of having to write anything about the 76ers. Until they win a game, their place as the worst team in the league will be assumed. Instead I will rank the six second-worst teams, just for the sake of variety

6. Pistons (3-8)

Good news: Brandon Jennings is playing a lot better, limiting his turnovers and shooting much more efficiently. Bad news: Andre Drummond can’t stop fouling people and has taken an inexplicable step back. Good news: Kentavious Caldwell-Pope has shown flashes, including a 20-point performance against the Wizards. Bad news: Josh “Candy Necklace” Smith is still on the team.

5. Knicks (3-9)

Don’t worry Knicks fans, it doesn’t matter that your team can’t learn the Triangle Offense, Andrea Bargnani is coming back! Also, Seth Rogen is apparently a fan?

 

4. Nuggets (3-7)

I already mentioned the Nuggets giving up 84 points in a half. That happened before I read this horribly depressing article about the downfall of the Nuggets franchise.  Why would you sign the Manimal Kenneth Faried to a $50 million extension if the organization doesn’t particularly like the player. If I were Danny Ainge, I would gladly take Faried of their hands. Heck, I’d even take Javle McGee purely for entertainment purposes.

3. Timberwolves (2-7)

If I was a Timberwolves fan, or their NBA2k owner, I would be very happy with their play this year. At this point, with a young core of Andrew Wiggins, Anthony Bennett, Zach LaVine and Gorgui Dieng, tanking is their best strategy. I have no idea why they re-signed Ricky Rubio. I know Flip Saunders wants to win now, but its simply not going to happen soon, especially not in the West.

2. Lakers (2-9)

The “lamestream media” refuses to accept that the Lakers are a horrendous excuse for a basketball squadron. Well, they may have accepted it, but they continue to talk about it incessantly. Each week, there is a new think piece or analysis of why this Lakers team is struggling. I think the answer is pretty simple: Kobe is paid too much and no one wants to play with him. They have no talent and their fans are jerks. That is certainly a better explanation than Harvard-educated Jeremy Lin was able to provide.

1. 76ers (0-10)

I don’t think they would lose to Kentucky, but the game might be interesting.

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